what not to do in child custody cases

April 10, 2022 Post a Comment

Are you locked in a kid custody battle with a narcissist? Information technology may be your ex or maybe even your child'due south toxic grandparent.

If so, you demand to know exactly how to approach this state of affairs to give yous the best chances of getting full custody, or shared custody with the most favorable terms.

Defeating the narcissist in court is all about knowing who you're dealing with, and why they do what they do. Know your enemy — this adage has never been more than true.

And then hither is what you lot demand to know in order to handle a child custody boxing with a narcissist.

If you are locked in a #childcustody battle with a #narcissist, you need to know which strategies to use to win your case. There is no room for error!

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. Nothing that'due south written in this post should be considered legal advice. These are tips and questions to ponder in order to give yous a improve understanding of a narcissist's psychological makeup. If you have whatsoever questions or concerns, delight talk over them with your legal representative.

Exist gear up for anything

Narcissists are extremely crafty and manipulative, and they can twist the truth in their favor similar no other.

They're especially practiced at finding loopholes and grayness areas in court orders and documents.

They also work very hard at presenting a "saintly" public image so many people will be fooled by that, including law professionals who don't accept experience working with narcissistic or any cluster B personalities.

So expect your ex to bring their "A" game to this custody dispute. They'll be prepared and ready to fight, and so you take to exist ready, also. They are going to throw everything at you.

They will endeavor to set on your character, your life choices, your parenting ability…Exist set up for that, and stay calm no matter what they say or do.

Certificate everything

Narcissists tend to make a nifty first impression, but if you get to know them, you'll find out a much darker side to that charismatic facade.

As someone who knows them, you lot've probably witnessed your fair share of incidents of verbal, emotional or even physical abuse, questionable behavior, cruelty, dishonesty, manipulation etc.

Now yous have to show information technology to the family unit court, and make the judge believe y'all.

So document everything — every single incident of egotistic or abusive behavior, with relevant details.

Start a file with any supportive documentation – emails, texts, social media posts, peradventure even recordings, and keep adding to information technology every fourth dimension your ex steps over a boundary or violates an understanding.

If you have witnesses who can testify to a narcissist mistreating you or your children, fifty-fifty improve.

Hearsay doesn't hold much weight in courtroom. Yous've got to retrieve in terms of show.

You lot scout all those CSI shows, right? And then think forensically!

Also document what they don't exercise or say. Do they attend parent-teacher conferences, dr. appointments, birthday parties, sports games, school plays?

If they don't, collect statements from teachers, physicians, and whatever other relevant witnesses to prove your ex's absence.

But put, brand sure that whenever you make a instance against a narcissist, yous're talking facts, dates, names, specifics.

If yous don't have whatsoever documentation, showtime documenting now. Annotation any arguments or baroque behavior on a agenda, and make it detailed.

Without a dubiety, the narcissist will endeavour to present themselves as the perfect parent. And then it's on you to dismantle this false image, brick by brick.

That also goes for you: be careful of proverb things in a heat of the moment. The narcissist will besides be gathering evidence against yous, and perhaps fifty-fifty provoking you to stoop to their level.

Go on calm and stay away

Every bit a rule, try not to have whatever arguments (or even contact) with the egotistic ex (or whoever you're battling in court) prior to the custody hearing.

Narcissists are very practiced at pulling you into disharmonize, and making y'all emotional. Because when y'all're emotional, you're likely to make a mistake. Then the narcissist volition utilise that against you in court.

And so if you do get into an statement, or at that place's no fashion to avoid it in the future, brand sure (this is very important!) that you stay calm no matter what they throw at y'all.

If you lot snap and start cursing, calling him or her names or throwing around threats, they'll apply information technology in court against you.

So don't give them whatsoever ammunition! If the amicable agreement can't be reached, information technology's best to leave the arbitration to the lawyers.

I know this is wicked hard because your child is involved, so you're bound to be emotional, defensive, broken-hearted or in a "fight fashion." Resist the urge to get into it with a narcissist!

They always win when yous lose your cool.

Don't label or diagnose

When you're in court, avert self-diagnosing the narcissist. Information technology may be very clear to you lot what they are, but it's not clear to the court. So it may backfire on you because information technology makes you lot look slanderous and judgmental.

The last thing you desire to do is make the narcissist look like the overnice, sensible i!

Rather, talk specific examples of troubling behavior that affects (or affected) your kid negatively without putting a label on anyone.

Hither are a few posts about the harm narcissistic or toxic parents can inflict on children:

10 Means a Narcissistic Grandmother Can Harm Your Children
Why Some Parents Don't Dear Their Children
20 Heartbreaking Signs of a Manipulative Female parent
Physical Discipline: The Toxic Effects of Hit a Child

Again, this isn't a diagnostic tool, but it can give you some ideas near which behaviors are problematic (or you might use your own examples).

Have faith in yourself

This may be a tough 1 considering most people who stop upward in child custody battles with their egotistic exes have endured years of emotional abuse. And then they're not coming from the strongest state of mind.

You lot may feel defeated, browbeaten downwards and just freaking exhausted. The narcissist had been undermining you and chipping away at your self-confidence and self-worth for years.

By the time you pace foot into that courtroom, y'all may feel similar you have nil left in y'all.

The only thing that keeps you going is the love for your child. You may accept lost your marriage, your illusions and your dreams of having a perfect family, but you lot're not loosing your kid.

Y'all will practice any it takes to protect your child, right?

Tap into that deep, bottomless well of dearest you accept for your kids, and find the strength, the courage and the religion to fight the narcissist. This is the time to hold them accountable, and to stand up to them.

And so lead with courage, and believe that everything volition be resolved for the highestand best good of all concerned.

Find the correct lawyer

If at all possible, discover a lawyer who's proficient at dealing with cluster B personalities. It tin can make all the deviation!

Narcissists are skilled at masking their true cocky, and nigh people aren't educated or experienced with this miracle to see the signs.

The truth is, even professionals in the psychotherapy field will often autumn for the narcissist's projected prototype. Yes, the narcissist can have the shrink eating out of their paw!

The lawyers, the judges, the police and other law officials are even less likely to recognize a narcissist (unless they've had experience with this before). And then make certain you get the all-time representation possible.

A lawyer versed in dealing with a narcissist will know how to expose them. Because for all the smoke and mirrors the narcissist has fiddling impulse control.

If the lawyer tin push certain buttons and make them feel threatened, they might get into an overdrive and explode with rage. Just a glimpse of their truthful confront will be plenty for the judge to see them equally an unfit parent, and rule in your favor.

Fifty-fifty if you don't have a lawyer who is experienced in dealing with a narcissist, talk to the one yous do have almost your ex (or a family member who'southward trying to get custody of your kids).

Explain to them what y'all're dealing with, and together come up with a strategy to defeat the narcissist in court.

The right child custody lawyer can defeat the narcissist.

What about a psychological evaluation of the narcissist?

In some cases, a psych eval can be very helpful. For example, in cases of articulate and documented physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, substance corruption, concurring disorders, history of incarceration, etc.

Just in nigh cases, you're dealing with a narcissist of a more than covert nature.

Their pathology isn't as severe, and therefore, it's much harder to prove. About psychologists won't even diagnose NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), equally information technology is considered a rare condition. Simply between 0.5 and 1 per centum of the population meets the clinical criteria.

So the psychologist is more likely to diagnose narcissistic features or traits . This doesn't get yous an advantage in court since most people have traits of narcissism to some degree.

And then consider if the 730 psychological evaluation is in your all-time interests. Because if it comes back without a clear diagnosis of NPD, the judge may encounter you as someone who's trying to manipulate the court.

Helpful resources for kid custody battles with a narcissist

Child custody battles tin can take years, and cost tens of thousands of dollars.

It'south fifty-fifty more than expensive when the narcissist keeps dragging you to court to endeavor to change the custody agreement again and again.

If you're strapped for cash, there are pro bono lawyers yous can go for your child's custody hearings, provided you run across the income requirements.

You lot can check with your state regime's website in the self-help resources section or asking services from a pro bono attorney.

If you're looking for some information earlier committing to an attorney, you can as well find free legal advice.